What is your Relationship With Money?

[Ha1212y 4]

This is my first post in the community, I have been a member for approximately 8 months, been live trading for 4 months.  I did a three month simulator, went live and then back to simulator for 2 months, now I am back live.  In our community we put an emphasis on the psychology of trading.  The more I explore this topic the more I realize this is the trenches of trading and it where battles are won and lost.  A question was recently asked to me about "What is my relationship with money?", I have been genuinely thinking about this long and hard for nearly couple of weeks now and have been struggling to find a definitive answer. 

A little bit about my background, I grew up in a not so money wealthy family, but with all my family around it was never a belief that we were poor.  There was never a shortage of anything and my mom worked hard to raise my sister and I.  My father came into my life after we moved to the States from England and that is when money was a factor.  At 8 years old it was the first time in my life I was away from the comfort of aunts, uncles, and cousins, everything was about money.  My dad had a modest job, but was not earning a lot of money and that was the reason why he immigrated to the United States from England was to find his "American Dream" or what he felt it was.  For the first time my mom was not working and everything went through my dad.  He did not deal with the stress of having a family with the financial obligations it required too well.  He had left England when I was 3 years old and did not have to worry much about a family for a long time.  Now he had two kids and wife, who he needed to support and each had different needs.  He was struggling, which at times led to a lot of arguments between my mom and him, I had never seen a husband and wife argue as my aunts and uncles must have done in their homes when I was not there.  However, the argument always had something to do with money.  I think this was the first time I ever felt that money was important as I did not have family around me to take my mind of it or out of focus.  

Time went on my dad achieved his "American Dream", with successfully buying and running 6 pizzerias.  Money was coming in from all directions, we did not even know what to do with it.  I was now 17 years old getting ready to graduate high school, it was not an issue of if my dad could buy me a car, it was which car did I want.  Few months prior to graduation disaster struck, my folks were getting a divorce as my dad had let the money create divide between the family.  He was king of the castle and ruler of all, he had money therefore he had the power.  My parents split and my sister and I stuck with our mom as we had a strong enough relationship with her.  My dad took all the money and disappeared, now we had no money.  I started to despise money as I felt it was the cause of my family splitting up, but you still need money we did not have any.  What a conundrum, I need the thing I despise.  

Further time has gone on, I have become financially independent and money is no longer an issue for me.  I still struggle with losing money in trading even though it is small amounts, it bugs me.  Why so much, why does it bug me that I am losing small amounts of money?  It was expected, I knew it would be a part of the learning curve for day trading.  I had established a business plan that stated if I stick to my discipline I would lose "x" dollar amount every month max and I would gain "x" dollar amount a month max.  I realized through my journey to answer the question above "What is your Relationship with Money?", I do not lose money, it was taken from me and I take that personally.  Which then takes me back to my parent's separation when money was an issue for me for the first time in my life. 

To combat this I came across a Ted Talks speech that I wanted to share the link is below.  I need to not take losing money in the market as a person jab or insult to me.  I need to look at it as, if I have done everything right, if I have followed my trade book, it just was not my day.  The market was not out to get me, it was just a matter of circumstances that did not pan out.  I would love to hear if anyone has had any similar issues and any feedback for other coping mechanism is most welcome.  Thank you all for taking the time to read my post, it was probably a lot of info, but I wanted to share as much to get the most amount of feedback.  Thank you again.   

 

 

[RunnerJones 1]

 

What a thought provoking post, it has certainly got me thinking about my reaction to things.

Great video, and I love Frederik's quote... "Wouldn’t it be so much easier to not take things personally? Because then, no one would have power over you. You’re free!". I even printed it out and added it to the motivational quotes in the front of my business plan, which I'm currently building. 

I'm only a month or so into my day trading journey, and I'm already beginning to understand that psychology is probably what will mean the difference between success and failure for me, and taking things personally is certainly something I can struggle with, in all areas of life, not just traidng.

I believe this will help me out. Thanks for taking the time to post it.

 

 

[Ha1212y 4]

By answering this question it has really help me put things into perspective.  I have been doing better at calming my emotions after a trade does not go my way and I have been working on coping mechanisms.  If I ever feel myself taking it personally or start to turn negative on myself, I lock my montage and walk away.  Luckily with my kids going back to school in person, I will go drop them off.  The market will always be there and there will always be other opportunities, the one thing that will disappear will be my capital.  

I have even proposed the same question to my wife and it has helped us both to understand why we are with the money the way we are.  BBT is great it helped me have free marriage counseling, LOL.  

Good luck on your journey, this community is amazing it does not only help with your trading, but your life overall.  Take care!