Coping with external Distractions!

[CliffG 31]

Thought I would start a new topic in the forums concerning with external distractions.

Currently, I'm in Europe, so my trading hours are 3.30pm to 10pm.

At 5pm I need to go get my kids from school or daycare, immediately followed by dinner prep and dinner itself. 

At 6.30/7pm it's bath time for my 2 boys.

Maybe around 7.30/8pm I get time to go back to the computer and trade. All in all, my trading hours are really 3.30pm - 5pm (9.30 EST to 11 EST), then 8pm to 10pm (2pm to 4pm EST).

Although today was especially frustrating, I was in the red on my trades, but I lined up a beautiful trade based on the Citigroup pullbacks that were occurring around  8.30pm (2.30pm EST). Then my 2 boys (3yo / 5yo) were fighting and I had to step away.. Missed the trade, which would have made me green, even if i was sloppy with my entry/exit. Very frustrating.. Lined up another trade shortly thereafter, and exactly the same thing happened!! Damn! 

I wasn't red by much (i'm still playing with small sizes), but oh man, the frustration is real!.

Additionally, looking at my journal (both live and sim), my best time of trades is around the same time as these distractions (and dinnertime), when the market has somewhat settled down and some of these plays come into effect.

I imagine I'm not alone, there must be others facing similar challenges. How do you cope? (I've already joked with the wife about sending the kids to boarding school - and got a stern look as a result lol).

 

[sawtooth500 33]

Maybe talk with your wife and make a deal where she takes care of everything while you work on trading? I know that's not ideal on her as it burdens here with additional workload, but what I tell me wife is the reason that I do trading is because I want to spend more time at home with her and I want her to be able to quit her job if she no longer wants to work, so it's a win/win for both of us. And those two statements are 100% true - imagine the difference in the quality of life for your family if you are making $3000-$5000 a day trading. Or think about it like this - if you were making that money already, then you would take steps to make sure that you are not distracted. It's just hard for you to justify taking those anti-disctraction steps now because you aren't making the money, however it's necessary if you expect to make it in the future.

[Carlos M. 232]

@CliffG you are in a very tough situation. I got a taste of this when home schooling my daughter for this school year that just ended. Most days I had to rush out of trades early in the morning to get her setup for Zoom meetings or help her with home work assignments. A few times I kept positions open and try managing them from my phone but that was not ideal. 

So it did affect my trading a bit, but I accepted this is the way is going to be until school finishes. In your case is more of a permanent situation, i agree with Sawtooth message above. There has to be a way to for you to carve out 1:30 to 2 solid hours of trading. 

Also Bose noise cancellation headphones will do magic! lol

Edited July 15, 2020 by Carlos M.

[Sapperstien 74]

xanax and wine. wait, wrong room. 

[NikkiB 22]

LOL xanax and wine.  Seriously though, you've got the rough time frame for trading - "family time frame."  I have no answers for you, but I know your pain.  Although I'm US/east coast and my son's in school now, so the timing works well for me, I thought I could trade last summer during summer break with multiple kids around all day.  Big mistake.  I was red day after day after day, and I was in really bad moods, until I finally made myself stop until school started again.  You just can not trade with kids around - it's impossible!  All I can tell you is something I had to tell myself because man I love being a mom and I don't want to miss anything - trading will always be there, the kids grow up fast.  There WILL be a time in your life when you'll be able to trade more freely.  The kids will be older and more independent and you'll have that time.  I KNOW it's hard to not trade because we want to so bad.  Even if it's just 1 day a week right now, maybe you can work with your wife that that's your trading time and you're all alone.  Don't try to do both at the same time - you end up messing up trading and being pissed at the kids ;0)

[cjsimon07 16]

I try to trade the same hours you do. I've also had similar problems with kids distracting me from trading, causing me to miss the move I spent all morning waiting for or disrupting me while in a trade. These past 2 months have been especially difficult with problems at my house (a pipe bust, during demo they found asbestos, rot from previous water damage also discovered). Long story short we've had to move in with my in laws, so now I have to drive 50 miles home each morning, make sure the contractors are all set, eat something and prep for the open. Then trade while managing contractors. And on top of all that we have a new baby with reflux issues who is up most of the night, so sleep has been affected (actually this week has been better with sleep). Here is what I've learned for me:

1. Use smaller size and be prepared to go all out (or set a hard stop) regardless of where the trade is when the distraction pops up. If the kids are in my office and I take a trade I keep my finger on the mouse ready to place a stop limit order if needed. 

2. Don't force yourself to trade if you are distracted. Or as the moderators here constantly remind us, "live to trade another day." This was very hard for me. I'm still perfecting my trading strategies, so I was looking at every missed day or missed trade as a missed opportunity. Through my journal and stats, I found that I don't trade well when distracted or trying to do too many things at once. I actually trade better after taking a day off. 

3. Try going back to sim while distracted with the kids. See if you can adjust your trading to this scenario, then go back live.

4. Watch fewer stocks. At my in-laws I just have my laptop and 1 other screen. I only watch 1 stock at a time with a full montage and then have one 1 min chart I use to scan other stocks on my watch list. I don't trade as much this way (maybe 1-3 trades a day and smaller size), but I'm able to keep an eye on it while my kids throwing toy cars at me or watching a tv show and talking to the tv...

I find the psychology webinars on BBT really helpful too if you haven't already watched them. Sometimes I take a walk or go sit by myself and do some mindfulness practice just to recenter my focus.  It's hard. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. Just keep working at it until you figure out what works for you and your family. Use smaller size or sim while you work on it. Don't worry about walking away or taking a break if you need to. Good luck!